Global warming- meh, Terrorism- Bad but sigh, Corruption- yawn, Unemployment-Duh! None of these global phenomenon’s affect me much anymore. What gets my goat is what goes around in the name of humor.

People as you see and have read, I can be extremely, very, somewhat, remotely funny sometimes but I have acquired a taste in humor over the years. I used to laugh at the drop of a hat and I was ever so easily amused. But then began a chase which has worn me down. I continuously sought more humorous material either via books, movies, friends or comedians to a point that I think I have laughed myself out of it. I can no more relate to what goes around as humor. And if you think otherwise, I think many of you out there need a hug.

I think I have a healthy, palatable taste for humor (Not sense of humor). Saying “I have good taste in humor” is different from saying “I have a good sense of humor”. Let me illustrate:

Scene: Snickering at people who frantically press the elevator button repeatedly as if it helps – Taste in Humor.

Scene: The project has been well received by the clients and those who deserve will get a raise(Project Manager)- Sense of Humor.  

Ironically enough I have never met any guy who doesn’t think he is funny. You know what is sadder than a guy with no sense of humor? A successful guy in power who thinks he is humorous. I remember a project director hounding a friend of mine for not laughing at a joke while the other members laughed so hard as if  they didn’t want their tonsils anymore.

If you are single guy into your mid twenties humor is your last resort to get lucky. So it creates a hurried sense of insecurity in you even if you are trying to be normal. And we all know what insecurity lends, don’t we? – Lack of confidence.

Consider this situation which you would find in any dumbfuck Hindi Romcom which involves the goofy guy meets the serious girl (OR) the serious guy meets the goofy girl. The guy is at a friend’s marriage and being the verb that pretty much fucks your chance of getting laid Decent, you eyeball the girl only when she is not looking. You ∑ courage and go up to her. “You are pretty”, she goes What? You panic and reply “I am joking”. And she stomps off.

I believe humor is like a hiccup, it is best if it’s natural, you can’t force it. If you do it will only make things more awkward and give inception to a new Rom com script as described above. And the urge to impress the fairer sex has brought upon many such abominations to the world:

  1. Adapted humor: Its spelled plagiarism with a capital P. Did you have that friend in college who would go through your phone for funny jokes? Chances are that he isn’t looking at them to have a good laugh. He is trying to overcompensate for his lack of humor.

Course of Action: I hate such unoriginal people and wish fate curses them with eternal, mushy, clingy love.

2.Tag a billion: There isn’t shortage of such Tag whores. They are people who browse through office mails, reditt and other joke forums to find a picture which is as funny as getting Aids. No, the prick won’t just laugh at it. Instead he would upload it on Facebook and tag everyone who had ever said a Hi to him. Why should I validate his pitiable sense of humor?

Course of Action: Click on the dropdown next to the post, Unsubscribe from this person.

3.To Complement or ! complement: Compliments have always been a tricky issue for me. As often in my school the only response to a compliment was a walk to the principal’s office and later being forced to become the “brother” of the victim.  For people who grew up in the western culture let me illustrate. In U.S if a guy is naughty at school he ends up with a lot of girlfriends, in India especially in my school if you are naughty you end up with more sisters than Mother Teresa.

Now if a guy has a feeling for  a girl and proposes it via a letter or something there are two possible repercussions:

a)      She complains to the school principal who would detain you. On top of it the girl would “punish” you by tying you a “Rakhi” which makes you her brother. I never understood the twisted logic behind that.

b)      She would complain to her parents who would call your parents up and school them for shoddy parenting. By shoddy I mean raising you as a heterosexual boy.

Since compliment always lands us in hot water, we look for other alternatives. So even if a girl looks viscerally stunning, the only compliment we imbeciles could afford is in this format:

Yada yada yada (Compliment), blah blah blah (Negating the compliment!).


Your “friend” for the lack of trying uploads a pretty picture of herself.

“You look stunning!” ”Good job on Photoshop”. Every time an idiot comes up with such a lame compliment, the terrorist camp falls short of one box of Kleenex.

4.Revenge of the emoticons: I enjoy emoticons as much as Mel Gibson enjoys Hanukkah; I could forgive the regular smiley or the sad expression. But I have an unhidden disgust for this one :P. What does that mean? Were you trying to be cheeky, Are you insecure of your statement, Must I not be offended by your stupidity?

An exclamation mark is supposed to mark a sense of surprise. What in the name of baby black Jesus is this?

 “!!!!!!!!”  Did you have a stroke or are you enjoying the moment so much that you are typing with one hand? And the ever unforgiveable albeit atheistic remark OMG LOL!!!!!

That one seals your deal and your chances of reaching heaven as you mock the existence of a Holy one.

All this while it may seem that I am being apathetic by picking on guys all along and trying to earn brownie points with the ladies, But I stand corrected. I have rarely come across a girl who I have found funny. I am not saying women aren’t funny, I am just saying they needn’t be funny.  Though there are exceptions, guys like me would testify that there are only two reasons we laugh at your jokes.

Either because you are pretty or we find your spirit and intellect too weak to handle sarcasm.



4 thoughts on “Humor-us

  1. I must also say underneath the jaded mind rests a soul lost in the eternity of existential angst and wistful despair.

    We all go through the motions of our struggles and the sharp wit demonstrated in the above rancorous post is indeed sweet succor for us all – chicken soup for the jaded mind!

    Well written. Keep the writing streak! And don’t give up on your USP!

  2. Aah sooo jaded my friend… Tis’ true though… there are no girls with a laughable sense of humor.. But as you pointed out, they don’t have to be as cynical as we are, now do they?

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