The hunt for Jeans pant-u

Two things you need to know before you attempt to understand the title’s meaning.

    Jeans Pant?

Well when jeans were introduced into the Indian market it was distinctively known as Jeans pant. Not jeans, not jean. It was brought into the melting pot of Indian media by heroes (Not lead actors).In the movies hero might be so poor that he would drink water drizzling from the asbestos roof of a dilapidated garage, but nonetheless he will sport a famous jean brand and a pair of white Reebok shoes.

    The additional vowel in pant-“u”

I have just returned from Chennai. So my south Indian Tourettes are acting up. I caught up with them after a long time and they seemed to have missed me. During dinners I used to request for vaatar(water), order butter naanu( Naan) while discussing about the vaar(war) in Libya. To sound like a south Indian all you need to do is attach a stray vowel at the end of an English word. For eg: street becomes streetu, road becomes roadu. By the addition of a vowel a single word can double up as a question.
Stranger on the street: Address-A?( Pronounced aah. Here A translates into: “You need directions to go to this place?”)
OK moving on, I have been fervently shopping for clothes as I am heading for my masters in a fortnight. I shop alone and more over I shop with purpose. So it barely takes me 20-30 minutes to complete my shopping.
I enter this shop in Navi Mumbai which is a jeans outlet. I intended to go to shoppers stop. But I just wanted to check the place out of curiosity. There was a sea of jeans at this shop. Probably the only thing in jeans which they did not sell was jean handkerchiefs.

At the counter was a huge hirsute Punjabi guy. The guy was so hairy that his chest hair doubled up as a compass by waving in the direction of the wind.As soon as I entered He did the same thing the parents of your girlfriend do when you meet them -Size you up aka Measure your purchasing power.

And thanks to a ride in the local train from kurla to vashi, I looked like a rapist on the run who needs a change of clothes to outwit the chasing cops. So he showed me the initial cheap wannabe jean section.
I acted along, as I had time to kill. I never thought that there would be so much variety in jeans. I thought fashion was just another pastime for good looking people. I don’t make statements when I wear clothes. I wear whatever I find comfortable. Following were the few types of jeans which he presented to me in no particular order:

Crotch hugger

Not hand in glove

: This jean is ridiculously tight. So tight that you have to reassuringly grab yourself every 15 seconds to check whether your Cojones are still intact or have been crushed. Basically an act mostly committed by men who are insecure about their manhood. I looked back at the label to see whether it was made in Delhi.

Torn jeans:

Can I have some beer money?

Call me old fashioned but I don’t see the hype behind ripped jeans. It’s torn at the ankle, at the knee and makes you look like a drug peddler suffering a poor income in the times of recession. I know women don’t date me for my brains. But this!No sir thank you.

Low Hip/Rise Jean:

Yes. Thats how we roll

I am sure these jeans were a marketing ploy by the underwear (not briefs) companies. How else could they get their brand visibility to expand beyond the regular advertisements? It reminded me of when I saw branded straps. Just straps like jockey, puma which were sold in fashion streets. Basically if you can’t afford such branded garbs of brief (grief) you could wear them below your jeans and go commando. Eww

Faded jeans:

Seriously what the fuck is wrong with fashion. How else would you convince people to wear jeans which look like they have been puked by monkeys after consuming unhealthy portions of vanilla ice-cream? No nada. I moved on.

A thing to note during this hunt for the right jean was the name of the brands. Some of the brand names were Hot male, Young boy, Handsome man and Sexy dude. I was confused. What were they trying to sell? Jeans or male enhancement pills?

In the end I bid him goodbye went to shoppers stop and came out with a couple of jeans. Any guesses which style they belonged to?
Befittingly ironic as they are the two words I never thought I would associate with myself.