Four reasons why you should stop reading this article

Allow me to set the premise, you’re having lunch and you casually open up your favorite social media site, you see two types of posts

1.Pretty girl you used to hang out in college just got married. You click on the profile of her husband and observe that his profile picture only has 10 likes. You secretly think, what a loser! He has no friends and an uneventful life. Lol! I have 76 likes, everybody adores me.

2. Lists such as:

-Five reasons why School days are the best.

-Five lists why we will always miss home cooked food to the more exhaustive yet unoriginal -Ten reasons why your cat is secretly working for Putin or 27 reasons why you’ll never be able to date Lana Del Rey( P.S: She is not bengali)

If any of those topics remotely made you chuckle or interested enough to scramble your thumbs to click. Congratulations! you’re successfully a victim of click bait.
1.When is it okay to create a list: Lists are useful, for grocery shopping, taking a count of friends who you will invite for a dinner or an element of Computer algorithms which still gives you nightmares as you realize you’ll never be a competent software developer( Linked Lists).
Lists make it a mission to sound innocuous and in most cases are, as they try to make a case that they shouldn’t be taken seriously. But in reality, they are the bastions of sponsored content which is stripping the fourth estate (online) of any dignity that remains.
Because as enriching as it is, humor is seen as the ultimate lubricant to pass on ideas to the new generation. Oh, you don’t understand why you suck at relationships? Maybe you should read:
Ten reasons why you should never date a guy who wears crocs.
27 reasons to prove that your ex was a crazy bitch
These lists validate stupidity and intolerance, which is not a bad thing. Every now and then we need to be reminded that may be we are wrong, callous or overly judgmental. But online, you can always find articles that foster your ego, even if it is flawed.

And not to forget sensationalist tripe headlines like “Does Obama want your take away your egg muffin sandwich? Click here to find out.

Enters website: No, hahah. But hey while you are here watch this funny gif of fat people falling.
2. Click-baits: Buzzfeed, Scoopwhoop and other websites of such ilk don’t pretend that they are suave or intelligent. But any criticism of such sites will make you sound like a Grinch or a kid who slaps you with your own hand while laughing “Why are you hitting yourself, why?
The articles are so unoriginal but people still fall for it, all the bloody time. Remember the first time you clicked on an ad which said “ Single girls near you, hot moms want to date you”? I knew that it was Bullshit because I was living in Saudi Arabia.
I don’t know if you know Saudi Arabia well, but transparent tank tops and mini skirts are not in vogue over there.

How about more original pop up ads such as:

Single girls near you, wanna friendzone?

OR 40 year old hot women need help in picking groceries at whole foods.

Now, won’t you click on those ads?
3. And I was like: Let me describe this phenomenon. There is a lot to admire about United States and its people, there are the occasional sour apples but a majority of my experiences with them, have been rewarding.
But I never understood why they would add “And I was like…” whenever they had to recount anything in the past. Let me give you an example
Me: Hey man, how was your weekend.
Friend: Dude, it was amazing.
Me: Nice, what’d you do?
Friend: So, i met this girl at the bar right. And we were having a couple of drinks. I said something like how I like pastas and she said “Oh, but they contain gluten”.
And I was like: “Do you even know why gluten is bad for you’’?
And she was like: Oh, I don’t know
And I was like: I bet you think gluten causes ebola too.
And she was like: Omg, you’re so rude.
And I was like: Hell yeah, I am funny.
Then we exchanged our phone numbers and forward each other gifs from Buzzfeed.
IF you notice, people are always witty in introspection.Like, ALWAYS! Like an Aaron Sorkin tv show where all the characters are witty and filled with one liners. It always begins well, but by the time they are done, you want to punch them in their self righteous auras. Looking at you Newsroom
4. Meme’s everyone!: There is a self indulgent subreddit called r/reactiongifs. Basically it is a collection of gifs from various sources such as movies, viral videos or TV shows.  And whenever anything of importance happens in the news, some jackass posts a meme on Facebook. It weans me down because if foreshadows that nothing that would ever happen to me in the future would be new, it would always be relative to an experience and be reduced to a meme, or a gif.

For Eg:
Our reaction when rahul gandhi is being interviewed
funny-rahul
Our reaction when US is 13 trillion in debt but yet refuses to wean on war against drugs by exaggerated incarcerations, or over militarization of Israel or refusal to invest in education while fucking the students with ridiculous student loans.
Try to create a meme for that.
And anytime someone comes across a real life (or fake situation) you share the gif to show how you feel.
For eg: My reaction when my single friends spend all their savings on a wedding
MRW
Things are fine and dandy when you get the references, but if you don’t it is so easy to get flustered and take offense. I always feel like an outsider when my American colleagues joke around me, I just don’t get it. But they insist that they are funny. There is a sudden need for everyone to be funny, in  way it is almost Michael Scott-ish

So, Dhanesh that was a terrible report you made the other day. I think you should be reprimanded.

Me: What?

Boss: Lol, I was just kidding
Dhanesh: Hey Mike, how did you spend your thanksgiving
Mike: Hey, it was brutal man. I stabbed your entire family, created a hula hoop with their intestines and played it with my asian adopted daughters
Dhanesh: What the flying fuck?
Mike: Oh, that line is from a movie, I didn’t mean it literally. It is okay man, you have to watch the movie to understand the context.
And I was like…